Chapter 23 : Heaven knows i'm miserable now

Sandor smiled.
And it wasn’t just any smile, it was one full of mischief and malice.
The kind if smile that always makes me worry about this guy, but I suppose, one that is justified when you consider the goddess in his arms.
Before I even got to where he was inside the club, one of those of the very fashion and very full of beautiful people kind, the girl let go of his lips for a few moments and joined a group of similar girls.

“Where did you find the Barbie?”, I asked, shaking your hand vigorously.
“Can you imagine”, you said, nursing a Gin Tonic, “I was just here on my own, you know, doing nothing, and she comes up to me? The rest, my friend, as they say is history”, you concluded, with a wink.
“Right”, I thought.
“And what is the poor creature’s name?”
I confess that I was surprised by your reaction. You seemed genuinely puzzled.
“Name?”, you asked. “What is this thing you speak of, ‘name’?”, you replied with a smile worthy of a shark.
“But if you want her number… that, I can tell you!”
I know it’s not funny at all, but we laughed.
I ordered a vodka with raspberry juice. It’s a bit gay, yes, but I like it.

“Look, I’m going to the toilet, yeah? Got some urgent business to take care of in the office.”, you said.
I nodded slightly in approval, and let the dull, hypnotic music flow through my body.
“Man”, you said as you returned, “Look behind me, by that pillar on the left, and see if you can’t find someone familiar.”
“No, man, the other left”, you insisted, patting my head.

So I looked, and looked, and looked. Nope, definitely nobody familiar.
Suddenly eyes fix into mine, a face smiles , and a voice says, “Snow”.
Holy shit, it’s the nurse and she’s coming over!
“Oh oh, look’s like you’re in for a treat”, you said. “You, ah, you have fun, I still have some more unfinished business to take care of”, you said, holding your stomach, your face in visible pain.

“Snow!”, the voice said again, the voice that came from the face that kissed mine twice, and left breathless.
“Isn’t this a coincidence! So, what are you doing here?”
Oh God, that green dress. Oh me oh my.
“Hum..”
“Er…”, I answered.
“Wait, don’t tell me! I’ve got it! Not only do you have a cat, but you’re out of work, too. Am I right?”, you laughed.
“Yeah. But… What?”, I answered without any sort of conviction in my voice.
“Yes, because since you don’t have money to get food for your cat, you obviously cut out your tongue and fed it to him!”, you continued.
You put one hand in my shoulder and laughed a bit more.
And so did I.

“No, I’m, huh, with my friend, you know the one from the hospital?, we’re just here for a drink.”
“What friend? That guy who thought he was God’s gift to women?”
“Yes. William, that’s the one.”, I admitted.
We laughed again, and by now Will was on his way, looking visibly relieved.
“Ms. Nurse!”, he yelled, “Are you here to give that massage you promised me?”
You looked at him, smiled, and said, “No, that was my colleague, the one you so kindly called ‘a dog’. The poor girl, she’s still waiting for you.”
“Tell you what, fair’s fair, I’ll buy you a shot, ok?”
Oh man, the way you smiled when you said that foretold doom..

“A shot?”, William asked, “And why not?”
“See now, this is a very special shot, you know… and you have to drink it in a very special way too”, you said, innocently.
“I wonder if you are man enough to drink it…”, you pursued, with the most naïve voice you could muster.
Oh, you are very good. You know just what buttons to push.
I am in the presence of a master.
“Hell yeah, I am!”, he roared. “I’ll drink as many you’d like me to”, he finished, beaming with pride.
“Great”, you answered, your eyes twinkling.

You called the bartender, and asked for the ingredients.
A shot of Bailey’s, and a slice of lemon, just that.
“Stud”, you said, “I want you to drink the shot, and leave it inside your mouth. Then you squeeze the lemon’s juice, mix it all, and then drink it.”
“Can you do that?”, you purred.
“Done”, William said, smiling.

You drank the shot as per requested, squeezed the juice in, and mixed it all.
Then you swallowed.
The final expression in your face was priceless, and something I’ll always remember.
I’ve never before seen someone go from arrogance to humility so quickly.
The lemon juice soured the milk in the Bailey’s, and when you swallowed, it was as if you were swallowing poison.
“The fuck is this?”, he asked, demanding an answer.
You smiled that devilish smile again, and answered softly, “Just a little something I like to call ‘The blowjob revenge’.”
While he stared at you in disbelief, you pulled me aside, and off we were.

“That was evil”, I said.
“It was”, you said, “But he deserved it.”
“He deserved it”, I agreed.
I found myself laughing once more.
Damn, this girls makes me laugh, like no one ever did before.
And that is good.

“Snow, Snow…”, you said.
“And what would your first name be?”, you asked.
“Er… name?”, I said, a bit embarrassed.
“Yes!”, you answered enthusiastically.
“You know, one of those word-type things people usually call us by? Hey ca even have just the one letter, if you’re so inclined, or maybe dozens of them if you have crazy parents?”
“Oh yeah! And there are those who, much like yourself, like to be called by their last name. Or even by a title, or degree.”
“Are you one of those? Is it just ‘Snow’? Or ‘Lord Snow’?”, you said, my desperation rising.
“My name…”, I repeated.
“Yes?”, you asked.
“ My name… is… argh. Er… Hum…”
“Wow! And here I thought that ‘Humhumer’ was bizarre!”
“You truly are full of surprises, Snow. Or should I call you ‘Argherhum’?”
“Jon”, I answered, my voice barely audible.
“My name’s Jon.”, I admitted.
“See?”, you said, “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
Again you put your hand on my shoulder, For sure you must have felt me tremble.

“I’m Natalie, Jon Snow.”
“I take great delight in finally making you acquaintance.”

"Natalie... that's a beautiful name , that is."

"Please", you said, "if only you knew my last name... you would die laughing , I'd wager."

"No i wouldn't", I said promptly.
"I promise."
"Cross your heart and hope to die?", you said.
"Stick a needle in my thigh", I added.
"Ok, then. Get ready."

You put your lips on my ear, sending shivers down my spine, and whispered a single word.
After I was done shivering, i got the urge to laugh.
Don't do it don't do it don't do it.
All I could think of was how awful it would be if I laughed during a wake.
Think of something else, think of something else, think of something else.

"Natalie... Wide.", I said.
"Hmm-hmm", you confirmed.
"That, huh, that reminds me of, humm..."
Before I could even finish my sentence, your hand was slapping my face.
I didn't even see your hand moving, and it sounded like thunder during Judgement Day.

"I'm sorry", you said.
"No", I immediately answered, all the laughter I had inside suddenly gone.
"No, I deserved that."
"Slap me again. Hit me two more time. Hit me as many times as you want to. I deserve it. And I don't even know why I did that."
"No, actually, I do. I wanted to laugh so bad, and I just said the first thing that came to my head. Maybe next time I'll learn to think before I speak, right?"

"So, I fucked up already tonight, and I'd better go, ok?", I said.
"No, don't worry, You don't have to go. I probably just didn't react the right way. Besides, you can keep me company until my boyfriend gets here."

Boyfriend?
“Boyfriend”, I asked.
“Oh yes”, you said, “and soon something more”, you added, and looked at your left hand, where you had a shiny and impressive and above all shiny ring that was waving me goodbye.
Of course, I only noticed it just now.
Maybe, I thought, it could be just for show.
Did I mention how shiny it was?

I took a cursory glance around the bar and saw Will drunk as hell, sitting on a sofa, and that, I thought, was my opportunity.
“Look, I, huh, I’d really better get going. William over there”, I pointed, “is very nearly dead drunk, and I fear if no-one takes him home, he will actually die for real.”, I said hurriedly.
“Your friend. Right”, you said doubtfully.
“But he seemed to be in such good company”, you said, gesturing with your eyes to where he had been with the Barbie girl.
“Yeah, well, but he’s not”, I said, some anger in my voice.
But never at you. Anger at me, just me.
“And now, I’d really better be going”, I said.

You looked at me, and for a fraction of a second I thought I had seen sadness in your eyes.
“Ok”, you said.
“Suit yourself. But at least keep my mobile number. If you ever need someone to talk to, or if you want to hear a friendly word, you know what to do.”, you concluded, coldly.

I wrote down your number and said, “As soon as I get out of this place I’ll give you a ring. I don’t have network coverage here, and I don’t know my own number. Got a new one, see?”
“You promise?”
“I promise”
“I hope that promise yields better results than the last promise you made me, Jon Snow. I guess I’ll see you around”, you said with one last laugh.

I strode furiously up to the bar, where Will was ordering his God-knows-how-many drink of the night.
“Let’s go”, I said.
“What? But we just got here, let’s have some more fun.”, Will replied.
I didn’t repeat my request.
I pulled him by an ear, and we got out of the bar.
A small comfort at least, knowing that I will not be the only one who’s going to have a miserable night tonight.


"Set me aflame and cast me free
away you wretched world of tethers
through the endless night and day
i have never wanted more."

VNV Nation, Solitude