Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Chapter 17 : Of birds and real people

The video for The Verve's 'Bittersweet symphony" is, basically, the lead singer walking on the street, and what's so peculiar about it is that as he walks the guy just bumps into anyone and everyone not clever enough to move out of his way.
So today, just before i left home, i decide to adopt a Richard Ashcroft posture.
Tremble, puny mortals.

To enhance this decision, I chose not to comb my hair, and dress all in black.
I even managed to get a black leather jacket.
So i went out, determined.
I walked exactly seventeen seconds before i bumped into someone.
We're sorry, we are.
Next time look where you're going.

Three minutes into this, I confess that all this bumping around was getting kind of infuriating.
Besides, one of the guys that did not move out of the way, was very big and he glared at me menacingly.
I chose another strategy.
Because I am a gentleman and kind to boot, i will not bump into ladies (unless they're really hot) or children (unless they're rally annoying).
I will bump into old people only.
And that's only if they don't have a walking stick.
Trust me, a stick in the head hurts quite a bit.

I was walking for about half an hour when I was passing by a diner, and inside I see a friend of mine.
He was sitting all by himself, eating something, and I saw him from behind. But I'd recognize that guy anywhere in the world.
I came near him, saw that he was eating a steak with french fries, patted him on the back, took a fry, and said, "Hey, man!"

A face I had never seen before stared at me, sporting a moustache that would befit a walrus; and, trembling with indignation, started to throw verbal abuse my way.
I confess I didn't understand a single word he said; I mumbled a few words of apology, and got out fast as I could.

Now that was embarrassing.
Hello, what's this? My cell's ringing? Who can it be now?
Berenice? Suddenly my day got a whole of a lot better.

"Hiya! How are you?"
"Same shit, different day."
"Yeah. Right. Dinner?"
"Up to me? Right!"
"You want what? Red wine? Madness, I tell you."
I know what you want.
"Ok, sounds like a plan. I'll meet you there."
"Yeah, it's as good an hour as any other. See you, then."

Oh my God. Berenice.
In a fit of generosity, I decided to let go of the bumping into other people business.
Finally, something good happens today.
And if I play my hand well, something even better later on.

I got back home to change, black was definitely out.
I wore something very casual : jeans, white t-shirt, sneakers.
I keep the jacket on anyway.
Oh hell, what was that perfume that drove her nuts?
'Angel', that's the one. I put on a liberal amount of perfume.
You're so going down, baby.

Music, I thought, I need to hear some music.
So I turn on my computer, selected a play list, and turned on random play.
As I listen to the first chords of the song, I have a really stupid thought.

"Bigmouth, ladada-dada, Bigmouth, ladada-da... Bigmouth strikes again..."

Hmmm... Bigmouth... Bigmouth reminds me of someone very big... big mouth... mouths... That's it, yeah, I was thinking about the ox from a cartoon I used to see when I was younger, "Ox tales"!
Now, how did the music go?
Oh yeah...
"Something something or the other in dutch that I never understood... BUSH BUSH!"
It's stupid, I know, but that's what a line or two will do to you.

Now where the fuck is this girl?
Is it possible that she never even heard of the concept of punctuality?
Not even a phone call, or a text message saying she'd be late.
Granted, I could have done that, but baby, the interest is all yours...
For the past ten minutes, the guy behind me has been coughing. I swear, the bastard will cough up a lung.
Right, that's it. If the fucker coughs again, I'm gonna smash is fucking face in.

"Hi", you said, "Sorry I'm late. Have you been here long?"
"Nah, just got here myself", I lied.
"Give us a kiss, then. Hmm... you smell good. Angel? You know how I love that smell on you."


"Berenice, Berenice. Long time, no see. So, what have you been up to?"
"Please, no-one calls me Berenice! Diana, my name is Diana, and you should know that by now... Berenice makes me feel so old and Brazilian."
"There's not much to tell, really", you said, a glass of red wine on its way to your redder lips.
"I lived in Moscow for a while, but now I'm back."
"Moscow", I asked.
"What's in Moscow? Nothing, that's what it is. You're crazy and you need a psychiatrist.
"Nothing, forget it. So, seriously, what did you go there for?"
"Well... do you remember that guy I was dating, Michael?"
I sneered, "Argh. Yes. That idiot boyfriend of yours."
"Ex-boyfriend", you replied. "Anyway, and to cut a long story short, he went there, and I decided to go with him, returned without him. He stayed there with some Svetlana or the other."
"Well, let us drink to that! That prick never deserved you, and you know that, you said so yourself that he didn't treat you the way you deserved", I continued.
"No", you admitted. "Not like you. Never like you. But then you are different... unique, I might say."


After dinner, and after a few more drinks, we walked for a while, without saying anything. Truth be told, there was not much left to say. We both knew where this was headed to, and why mince words?
Still, it's a strange thing indeed when friends have nothing left to say to each other.
But now is not a time for words, it's a time for action.
When we got to your car, and before we get in, I held you, kissed you, and pressed your body against mine.
I felt your nipples stiffen with my touch.

That, my friends, is check-mate in just three moves.
You may try, but you will never succeed.

Suddenly I hear you laughing.
"It was so easy to seduce you", you said.
"So easy", you repeated.
"All it took was a word here, another there... a suggestion of vulnerability... what happened to you? You didn't use to be like this.", you said, getting in the car.

I just stood.
You laughed a bit more, turned on the ignition, and drove away.
Oh wow, the perfect ending for the perfect day.
What else can possibly go wrong?

"Mate", a voice said, "you got some change?"

"If you want something, don't ask for nothing.
If you want nothing, don't ask for something!"

Arcade Fire, Neighbourhood #2 (Laika)


Cristina said...

Bom sentido de humor!! :)
Bem... uma salada de sentimentos dentro de mim... estou a adorar...
Keep on going!...


Ad Astra said...

Pois, eu não escrevo só coisas tristes!
Acho que ainda tenho umas quantas surpresas reservadas...

Keep reading!