Chapter 19 : Why does it always rain on me?

Well, truth is i owed you. I was in your debt. But you know that, right?
Maybe you don't.
But a few years ago, you came through for me, and you were there when no one else was.
I was so weak, so defeated, back then, and when you saw me on the floor, when you saw me hit rock bottom, i don't know it it was pity or any other reason that drove you, but when you gave me your hand i felt awakened to life again.

And that is why i do this for you, this thing that i so very much hate doing, this huge sacrifice : I went to visit you at the hospital.
You know me. I don't go to hospitals. Since my childhood that i avoid going to those places; who knows what they might think of me and commit me to the nuthouse.
Still, only after two days of telling myself that i could do it, i was able to go.

And, of course, it took me ages and ages to find the room you were in.
I passed by a place where i swear they were burning human beings, then i passed by another place full of women, some of which looked very relieved, most just looked like they could murder people, cradling little children in their arms... Ah, now i see why.
I knew then that i had wandered too far, and i decided to ask directions from a very nice - in all sorts of ways - nurse that was coming my way, and she assured me it was my lucky day because she herself was heading to the very place i was looking for.
I swear, i was getting dizzy with the smell of chloroform and other such substances, that i didn't even notice when we got to your room.

"William", i called, with great enthusiasm.
Then i took a better look at you and all that enthusiasm faded away quickly.
"Wow. Look at you. You're all... you're all beat up, man. What the hell happened to you? You got hit by a train?", i asked.
"Or did you make fun of Thor again?"
Thor is an absurdly gigantic, barrel-chested Skinhead, who looked like he was chiselled from stone.
He also had the effect of immediately lowering the IQ of anywhere he was.

"Oh man,", you said, with a small laugh.
"You can't even imagine... That was some day, that was. First, i pulled a Richard Ashcroft, and didn't bother to get out of anyone's way on the street, so i ended up getting bumped into quite a bit.",
"Then i mistook someone i know for some other guy, and i won't even tell you how that went. Let's see... ah, i forgot to feed the bird for a few days... died. Oh yeah, and a pigeon managed to see a bullseye in my forehead."
"What else? I met with this girl i know, she's such a terrible bore, but a good lay. Anyway, i thought that i had her, and we were on our way to her car, so yeah, i thought the least i would get was maybe a blowjob."
"And?", i asked.
"Argh...", you replied, shrugging.
"She just left me standing there and drove away."
"Ah-ha", i said, "Let me guess : you got so mad at everything, and particularly at yourself that you just kicked the hell out of you, right?", i asked, sarcasm heavy on my voice.
"Nah", you replied, "That was the three guys that mugged me. Yeah, i was a bit pissed off, and at first there was just the one guy."
"Oh-ho!", i thought, "A punching bag. But after i landed some on him, the other two took me from behind, however bad that sounds..."
"One of them had a knife, and was about to stick into me, only i rolled and managed to dodge it, so i only got a glancing cut. Enough to leave with a nice, manly scar.", you concluded.

Oh, this is so... so tipically you. You never learn do you? Let's see.
"What now?", i asked. "Did you manage to learn something from this?"
You were silent for a while. Then you said, "Yeah. Yeah, i think i did."
"You see, all this? It gives me a new perspective on life. And i do know how i have been living ny life, like every day could be my last here. And now...", you paused, and reflected for a few moments more.
"It's not like i'm just going to start doing everything the other way around, or starting to live my life like every day is a new day. I know myself too well to know i won't be able to do that."
"But there is so much that is going to have to change. I don't know, man... for instance, that thing of calling girls by numbers instead of their names? Over."
"I got to come clean, man. I'm not sure if i've been that good a person these past few years, and i see this as another chance that is being given to me. And i don't know if i deserve this."
"So many people day every single day... I don't know. I just don't. You know?"

I know. I know.
Humm...
Actually, no, i don't, i don't.

"Listen, my friend,", i said, "Would that things were as linear as you ot them. I always followed that school of thought that states that we make our own fate. So i don't know about a 'second chance'. I've never been there. But what counts is that you're here, and questions such as 'what if?' just can't be allowed to come into the equation."
"If it brings you any measure of comfort to think that indeed you are being given a bew opportunity, then by all means, do."
"But don't you ever doubt that you deserve it, because..."
"Wait!", you interrupted.
"This is all very nice and pretty, and my heart does weep, but i am in pain here, so let me call the nurse, ok?"
You pressed a button, and a minute or so later the same nurse that had le me here comes in.
"Oh boy!", you whooped. "This one must be new here, the one i had before was such a dog", you said, in a hush.

The nurse, (who is really really really good looking, and who has so much beautiful metal in her mouth), asked what ailed you, checked your clinical record, and stood waiting for an answer.
Obviously, you had to go and say something utterly moronic, a thinly veiled suggestion of something in the way of a maasage, maybe, who knows?
She just looked at you playfully, and laughed as you were some senile senior citizen.
From now on, and trust me, you are not getting away with it, i will henceforth call you "Brilliant Turtle", the old pervert from the Dragon Ball cartoon.
She then said, "How cute."
"Mister... William? Is that really your name?", she laughed.
"Call me Sandor.", you said.
"Sandor? Sandor, Sandor... like the referee?", she asked.

Hot damn. Pretty, very hot, with a mouth full of metal , and she knows football trivia?
Argh... the woman i've always been looking for is right beside me, and i'm invisible and silent to her.

"Oh, will you look at that?", she said. "Visiting hours are over."
She turned to me and said, " You'd better say goodbye to your friend, looks like he needs his beauty sleep. Who knows, maybe some pills will help.", she suggested.
"What do you think, Mister...?"
She left the question hanging in the air, and for many umconfortable seconds, i didn't say anything.
"Hum... hum... er...", i mumbled.
"Wow, that is such a nice name, Humhumer is. I bet your parents must be real proud of you."
"But the thing is... i don't really speak Klingon. Haven't you got a, i don't know, more normal name?"

"Snow", i whispered.
"Snow", i repeated.


"Tender is the day
The demons go away
Lord, I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind."

Blur, Tender